Have you ever thought about the staggering set of expectations that surround our “ideal” holidays, especially Thanksgiving and Christmas?

In the US, we grew up learning about the colonists and Indians simply celebrating the harvest together, in what has become a major national holiday, Thanksgiving. 

This traditional holiday has grown to include football games, shopping frenzies before and after Thanksgiving and of course there is the feasting with family, all sharing happily in the day - at least according to the media and Hallmark cards and stories that weave our ideas of an ideal Thanksgiving.

Often before Thanksgiving has even passed, the promotions, music and decorations can be seen to bring in the religious holy day of Christmas, celebrated by a multitude of Christians and others worldwide.  

The holy day has become a holiday filled with gifts, decorations, traditional foods, bakery, special carols, movies, tv specials and the gathering of family and friends for feasting and celebrating.  Christmas has grown to include holiday office parties and celebrating with friends for the entire month of December.

November and December are also heralded as big economic generators and so the “ideal” holiday gatherings have become more elaborate, expensive and pressure filled as holiday planning and  invitations are often the pre-eminent conversation for two months, with the advertisers hyping every detail of the holiday. 

If you don’t have big plans or lots of invitations or stories of frequent partying, then you are somehow ‘out of the societal holiday loop’.  

I have been among the fortunate, who celebrate both Thanksgiving and Christmas with abundance and mostly good cheer.  There are many who are not as fortunate.

It is also a time of sad memories for many who have lost loved ones or had hurtful holiday experiences.

My dad and brother are no longer alive, and my brother especially loved celebrating and giving fabulous gifts on Christmas.  I miss them both, but for me, I do not miss them more at Christmas.  My mom, however, does miss them more at Christmas, and the holidays for her have been sad for many years.

This year, I experienced some of my own sadness, as it was the first year in more than 30 that I did not have either of my kids with me for Christmas Eve or Christmas Day.  

What I now share with you is that I approached this sadness very differently than I would have in the past.  I didn’t consciously plan an approach, but nonetheless I processed my sadness.

I felt it fully, and I shared with my kids and pretty much everyone, that I was sad.  

I also easily expressed my happiness for my kids and grand babies to be among other family members and friends this Christmas, who loved them very much.  I truly was happy for this, while I was sad for myself.  

I didn’t pretend that it was no big deal, as I would have if I were still trying to be the “perfect mom”, who didn’t share her negative feelings much.  I would have said “I miss you” once or maybe twice and then figured that if I said anymore, it might be perceived as pressure on my kids, and in turn drive them away. 

“Perfect moms” in my mind were only supposed to be concerned about everyone else’s feelings and needed to push their own feelings deep down inside.  I would have feigned all happiness, concentrating on their fun as what was most important.

This past year’s transformation and realization that I am not ‘perfect’, and that it is okay, was very freeing. 

Yes, I was truly sad. I had quite a few tough moments to work through, but I didn’t hide the feelings, and I didn’t worry what my kids or anyone else would think about my expressing sad, negative feelings.  

And thanks to FaceTime and technology, my kids and grand babies were making me smile and laugh throughout the holiday:)  With pictures and videos, I could even share the fun with others via Facebook and email.

Christmas Eve with my brother's family was wonderful and fun, as it always is each year.  And Christmas Day with my mom, who is self-admittedly sad during the holidays, was a day I have dreaded in the past.  We've been invited to join in others' holiday fun on numerous occasions, but my mom prefers not to.

Rather than silently dislike the day, I chose to create a new possibility this year and focused on lightening her spirits. 

She and I were not the pictured ideal big group, as is the movie version of the day - only two of us, but we made it a nice time from early morning rise (unusual for me in the past) and eating breakfast while watching her morning favorite shows, to sharing church at The Abbey, arriving in ample time to be seated for the mass.  

My mom gets nervous when we have to rush, so a slow and relaxed drive to church made her happy:)   

We laughed after mass in the car, about the heavy usage of incense and marveled about the very well behaved two little boys in front of us.  Then a brief visit to drop off a few gifts to dear elderly friends who are extended family to us and back to my mom’s house, just a mile away. 

The rest of the day was spent watching old holiday movies together while eating leftovers from our Christmas Eve dinner and drinking tea, each of us wrapped up in homemade afghans made years ago by my deceased Aunty Val.  

How lucky we were to be wrapped in love!  Mom and I did just fine and had a really nice day:)  I could tell by her hug when I left, that she had a good day and was happy with me.

So, no kids and no grand babies and a Christmas day of two.  Yet,  overall, I felt more happiness and joy, than I felt sad.  And it felt great to acknowledge and fully feel the sadness when it was there, and let it pass - so much better than burying it inside.  Now it is gone:)

I wish for each of you, to feel all the feelings that you feel, and then let the less desirable ones go by, replacing them with new possibilities and feelings!

For me, I plan to create my 2015 with feelings of happiness, health and love:)

Sending you each Love and Joy for the New Year!  

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Trusting our instincts doesn't come naturally for most of us.  

We've had years of training to suppress our natural tendencies and to tone down our emotions.  It is part of being human, and learning to function in a society of other human beings. 

We are taught how to eat, sleep, communicate, behave and a host of other "how to's", from a very young age.  Success, we believe, is most often attained from mastery of these basics and many other more complex life skills.

We are generally taught from a framework of 'what's wrong here?' 

We are encouraged to learn the 'appropriate or currently acceptable fixes' for 'what's wrong.  Young children hear 'no, not that way', or 'this is the right way' or 'do it this way' when learning pretty much everything.  

We tell them 'what is wrong' with how they are being, and we teach them to be how we want them to be.  This is how we all learned.

Some silliness is encouraged; while too much is discouraged.  Loud enough to hear language is applauded; while 'inside voice please' is the message if the volume gets too loud.  Playing in controlled situations is rewarded with praise and smiles from parents; while curiosity and open exploration are curtailed and dealt with cautiously.

While there are many good intentions and reasons behind each instructional message and toning down, including safety of the child, there is nonetheless, a suppression of natural instincts.  We all learned we had to act in a certain way to 'fit in'.  We learned to fear not 'doing it right'. 


 'Doing it right'  had nothing to do with instincts.

I would say that most of my life I was a rule follower.  Yet, I was also a rule avoider and a creative rule bender.  I used plenty of "white lies" and other, charming perhaps, but manipulative techniques to do what I wanted, rather than what I was supposed to do.

My 'do it the right way' indoctrination was quite strong though, and I learned to question my own instincts and not trust them.  


Typically, the mind is held in much higher esteem, so decisions and choices dictated by thoughts rather than emotions or feelings are deemed preferable.  Instincts are in the 'touchy-feely' category, and so we downplay them.

Leaders are most respected when they exhibit confidence and articulate to anyone and everyone that they 'know the answers'............even if they haven't got a clue.  Successful people are often scared to death that others will realize they don't know what they are doing.

Yet, no one gets to be a leader that admits they don't know the answers for today and the future.  And we are all guilty of holding degrees and pedigree in too high esteem.  

A somewhat comical story from breakfast with my aunt:

Her company moved into a new building - a specially designed, award winning green building that is very beautiful to look at.  Top notch and highly pedigreed architects from a top notch firm designed the building, with great attention to the environment.

Yet, it takes 2-3 hours of employees wearing coats in the offices each day, before the temperature is relatively warm in the building.  There are so many windows, that the light and glare make it impossible to see the computer screens for substantial periods of the day.  The recycled water in the bathrooms has days where the smell is so bad that my aunt avoids going to the bathroom all day.

Certainly the architects and builders used intelligent design.  Yet, I question whether some attention to instinctual comforts of the employees would not have been more productive for the company and a truly better environment for the people working there.

Another funny story comes from my brother who shared that his high profile skyscraper implemented energy saving lighting, through the use of motion sensors that automatically turn off the lights if no motion is detected.

As he tells it, you can often see him waving his arms overhead and crossing them back and forth to make enough motion that his lights stay on while he is quietly reading long documents in his office.  I laugh every time I picture him doing this.

Again, good intention with highly degreed and skilled professionals yields a rather ridiculous result.

I am a big believer in education.  This blog is not saying otherwise.  

I am also a believer in strengthening, rather than burying, our natural instincts.  The instincts we are born with are to be trusted and listened to and considered as part of the path to any and all solutions.

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I was puzzled by my recently completed Vision Board having an abundance of women wearing white clothing.  I wear classic black and grey mostly.  Usually clothing in those colors are what most appeal to me and I am drawn to for myself.

So what was up with the white?  

I did some research about color psychology and found that "white is the color of new beginnings, wiping the slate clean, so to speak.  It is the blank canvas waiting to be written upon.  While white isn't stimulating to the senses, it opens the way for the creation of anything the mind can conceive." 

 "......  White represents both the positive and negative aspects of all colors.  Its basic feature is equality, implying fairness and impartiality, neutrality and independence."

"White is totally reflective, awakening openness, growth and creativity.  You can't hide behind it, as it amplifies everything in its way."

So, with a better understanding of "white", I think it fits me quite well at this time in my life:)

Maybe you will discover something interesting if you take up the challenge of the Vision Board creation - it really is fun to do!

If you've never tried making a Vision Board, I'd recommend doing it.  It's a great activity to do with some friends, or alone if you prefer.  I've made 5 or 6 boards over the years and always done them with friends.  We have some food and drinks and chat while doing the activity.

Basically, you gather up a bunch of magazines - as many different types as possible.  You will also need glue sticks, poster boards and scissors.  Then, with everyone using the same pile of magazines (have at least 20 magazines), you simply flip through the magazines - not looking for anything - but noticing when you are drawn to something or stop because you are intrigued by a picture or a phrase or a word.  

Whenever you stop or are drawn to something, you tear out the page and put it aside.  Important to note, there need not be any understanding of 'why you stopped?' and sometimes you stop when you do not like something too.  Don't judge or question, just tear out the page.  Then continue flipping through the magazines.

Go through as many magazines as you feel like - no rules and no stress in this project.  Sometimes, you can complete the project in one get together and sometimes it takes two.  Once you have a pile of magazine pages, then you go through and with scissors cut out the phrases or words or pictures that intrigued you, and discard the rest.

With the cut outs, glue stick and poster board at hand, start placing all the cut-outs on the board and arrange however you want BEFORE you start gluing.  Once you have everything arranged, then start gluing to the vision board.  Hang up the completed board somewhere you can daily see it.  I've had mine in closets and halls and currently on my bedroom wall.

A yoga friend of mine shared that she had a picture of a place on her 2009 Vision Board that she had no idea about why or where it was.  Just this year, she is signed up to go on a yoga retreat in Guatemala, and the resort they are going to is her picture from that Board.

I've had crazy and fun experiences with my Boards too.........and many, many of the visions on the board have come into my life.  

So, I am ready and excited to welcome in an era of "white" - a blank canvas to create whatever I want - Just LOVE that!

Give it a try and let me know what you think!


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My day starts with being thankful before my feet hit the floor.  I find this gives me a minute to wake up and sets the tone for the whole morning.

I am fortunate to daily be thankful for a solid list of family members and friends in my life. 

I pretty much give thanks by naming people, and then good health and my nice home and a few other changing items are usually listed.  But basically, my thanks is in the form of a list.

Robert Emmons, a leading researcher on gratitude, insists that journaling is among the best ways to find out about yourself, uncover what you are truly grateful for and develop discipline in the action of daily journaling.

Further, a University of California study found that in order to get the biggest ROI on gratitude, details were needed.  The details about the gratefulness are what yielded the highest dividends.

Emmons found that developing and writing down 5 sentences about one thing or one person gave the greatest Gratitude ROI.

I love to write, but I’ve never been much for journaling.  And since I don’t plan to journal in bed, I still will do my morning thanks right when I get up,  in whatever fashion the thanks come to me.  

But, I am interested in increasing my Gratitude Return On Investment, so I will try adding the journaling. 

Today I tried it out, and I will continue to see how effective it is for me.  At the moment, I am committed to doing this every day for one week. I find the best way to stick to a new commitment is to start out with a doable timeframe, and in this case, one week seems doable for me.

Do you know your ‘doable commitment timeframe’?  It is the period of time that you will have success in sticking to your challenge, no matter what else comes up.  

Who doesn’t want the biggest ROI?  Who doesn’t want to feel empowered by succeeding with your own challenge?

However, all the research in the world won’t matter.  Studies and research show what works for Most People.  YOU and I are not ‘most people’.  We are individuals and need to learn and recognize what works for us.

Choose the challenge, so that you can be successful, and then build from there.  Whether it is gratitude, career building, weight loss, running a 5K or marathon, or any life challenge that you take on…………  

Set yourself up for success with small steps. Make sure you notice your progress and feel good about accomplishments - maybe even set up a reward with each small step.  Then, keep building on those successes.  

We are more likely to keep succeeding when we feel happy about our accomplishments and empowered by even the smallest successful step:)

So, here is my first attempt at one area in my life that I am grateful. 

I am thankful for my good health. 

1. It is so great to hold and play with my two grand babies with ease, solid balance and enough strength to make the time with them effortless and fun!
2. I like that I am pain free in my movements throughout my day.
3. I love that I can walk quickly and with ease wherever I go.
4. Going to my yoga classes at Tejas Yoga Studio is a joy, not an exercise chore.
5. Having good balance, strength and stamina make me feel vibrant, energetic and ready to start each new day, so that I can continue to engage in any physical activities I choose.

In writing these down, I actually enjoyed identifying the details, and it did focus me more, brought me a stronger sense of gratitude and renewed my commitment about my health.  So far, pretty good:)

Give it a try and let me know what you think!


I encourage you to Leave a comment below or post one on my BestYOU facebook page. Sharing your thoughts is a gift to all of us!

Please let me know if there is an issue you'd like me to write about. Your issue may be the one everyone is waiting to hear about.  Thanks!

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