 An earlier blog titled 'Listening', explored the effects of technology and multiple conversations on listening, relationships and productivity. This week, I thought I’d share an interesting insight I gained from listening to other women and men at a Landmark Wisdom workshop I attended. Here’s the particular scenario that I found particularly interesting: *One man commented, in response to the following question from a woman ‘Why do men look at other women?’ He said that for him, it was much like going to an art gallery. He enjoyed and found interest and beauty in each and every piece of art. Yet, he emphasized as he continued to answer the question, that he certainly didn't want to bring them all home with him. And of course, we all chuckled at that! Each man in attendance responded out loud to this question, and it was fascinating to me to notice that each one spoke with almost a sense of reverence about the female body and physique. It was obvious that this room of men, and they said their views were pretty much the norm for men they knew, really liked women. They admitted that they found women’s shapes intriguing - small, thin, large, curvy - all shapes were mentioned as being great. They did not really discriminate, and actually said they pretty much glanced at every woman they saw. They said it felt like they were compelled to do so naturally. My aha moment about this was that while we women often accuse men of looking at the ‘hot women’ or the ‘younger or sexier women’ or the ‘prettier women’ - after openly listening to the men, I realized that if the men were actually looking at all the women, I wasn't noticing it. I only noticed when a man looked at a woman that I considered ‘a threat’ based on comparing her looks to mine. That meant that I too was looking at those particular women. All the other women that were equally noted by my accompanying male companions were dismissed by me and not even noticed. I found this to be more an insight about me and my perceptions than about men..........……indeed, an interesting discovery. So men..........…would you agree with the men in my workshop? Do you look at and appreciate pretty much ALL women? And women........ what do you think about my insight? any thoughts? Please leave a comment below or post one on my BestYOU facebook page. I'd love to hear your thoughts! If you know someone who may like to sign up for my blog posts, please share this link with them. 
Millions of people face life as a daily struggle.
Typical and Top Complaints: ‣ Stressed ‣ Exhausted ‣ Not enough time Not only do they not stop to smell the roses. They are in such a hurried and frantic fog that they do not even see the roses around them. Life seems like one big chore. ******************************************* I hope you have found value in my blogs and other recent emails I sent with some data, stories and a simple idea to try. In order to reach more people than I can with my one on one coaching clients and business workshops, I am excited to share an offer with you that will provide insights, research and strategies that you can incorporate in your own life, in the comfort of your own office or home! I'm hosting a tele-seminar workshop series (Two - 60 minute call sessions) Sign Up NOW for the Special Introductory Tele-seminar Series! Time: 12:00pm CST - 1:00pm CST Date: (1st Session) Wednesday, October 8 and (2nd Session) Wednesday, October 15 Cost: $97 total for both sessions (my typical fees for a workshop with 2 hrs of content $500-$750) You may worry that my strategies won't work for you. If you don't sign up, you can't possibly find out. I offer a money back guarantee if you don't think I provided you with value. What have you got to lose? Close your office door or put on your head phones.......Just sit back and listen while you eat lunch. You will learn effective ways to relieve some of your stress, push past barriers and fears and turn your complaints into possibilities. If you cannot attend both sessions, access to a recording will be provided following the completion of the missed session. Are YOU ready to jump start your life! SIGN UP TODAY! http://www.bestyouconsulting.com/tele-seminar.html  1) Do you dread the start of each new day?
2) Do You Walk through your day on auto pilot? 3) Do you often speak these words.... "I can't.......because I'm just too busy"... 4) Do you find yourself feeling that life isn't fair or it's not what you hoped it would be? 5) Do you wonder at the end of the day what you accomplished? I hope you have found value in my blogs and other recent emails I sent with some data, stories and a simple idea to try. In order to reach more people than I can with my one on one coaching clients and business workshops, I am excited to share an offer with you that will provide insights, research and strategies that you can incorporate in your own life, in the comfort of your own office or home! I'm hosting a tele-seminar workshop series (Two - 60 minute call sessions) Sign Up NOW for the Special Introductory Tele-seminar Series! Time: 12:00pm CST - 1:00pm CST Date: Wednesday, October 8 and Wednesday, October 15 Cost: $97 total for both sessions (my typical fees for a workshop with 2 hrs of content $500-$750) You may worry that my strategies won't work for you. If you don't sign up, you can't possibly find out. I offer a money back guarantee if you don't think I provided you with value. What have you got to lose? Close your office door or put on your head phones.......Just sit back and listen while you eat lunch. You will learn effective ways to relieve some of your stress, push past barriers and fears and turn your complaints into possibilities. http://www.bestyouconsulting.com/tele-seminar.html If you cannot attend both sessions, access to a recording will be provided following the completion of the missed session. Are YOU ready to jump start your life! SIGN UP TODAY! 
As a career and life coach, my clients have a variety of needs. One thing they all have in common is a desire to cope with their everyday stress and to live their lives successfully, yet with more ease and joy.
And inevitably the conversation of pursuing a successful life leads to the barriers that currently exist to moving forward. The barriers, perceived or real, each of us deal with daily often manifest as FEARS. Fear of the Unknown Fear of Failure Fear of Change Fear of Being Trapped Fear of Job Loss Fear of not making enough money So here are the Statistics from the National Institute of Mental Health: FEAR and WORRY STATISTICS Percent of things feared that will NEVER take place 60% Percent of things feared that happened in the past & can't be changed 30% Percent of things feared that are considered to be insignificant issues 90% Percent of things feared in relation to health that will NOT happen 88% TOP PHOBIAS 1. Fear of public speaking - Glossophobia 74% 2. Fear of death - Necrophobia 68% 3. Fear of spiders - Arachnophobia 30.5% 4. Fear of darkness - Achluophobia, Scotophobia or Myctophobia 11% 5. Fear of heights - Acrophobia 10% Are you as surprised as I was by the data? 90% of things we fear are insignificant, 88% of health fears won't happen and 60% of everything we fear won't happen - Great News right? You might counter that Fears about Money and Losing a Job are definitely Significant Issues. They may well have high significance, yet both of these issues can be systematically handled with planning, some self discipline and action. Neither are life threatening, nor are they unsolvable. All that fretting and worrying isn't amounting to much other than frayed nerves and wasted energy and time, and here's why - What starts as a minor worry, usually escalates if we let it and then that worry heightens to a fear and becomes an inevitable barrier. Worrying and being afraid render us Emotionally Immobile. Not only is our thinking less clear when we are in panic, worry and fear modes; what results is we become agitated and indecisive, and then predictably we become STUCK. We can't figure out what we want or how to get it or what we want to do next? We are just plain STUCK. A simplistic example would be the following two, different adult reactions in a situation where a child fell down and is bleeding quite heavily. One adult sees the blood and hears the crying and their own heart races, as they try to calm the child who keeps screaming and screaming and all the adult can think to do is hold the child and scream out loud themselves for help. Same situation, and the adult's heart also pounds but their immediate reaction after quick reassurance to the child, is to assess the situation, get material to put on the bleeding wound and apply pressure, pull out their cell phone and call 911, look around and make sure no cars or other danger is in the vicinity, etc. The first adult let the panic, worry and fear of the traumatic situation take hold, and this adult really was unable to think or act in the situation. This adult was loving, scared and STUCK. The second adult immediately placed the mind's focus on actions, ignoring the fears. This adult was also loving and in full action. I have been both of these adults at one time or another in my life. Having the presence of mind and ability to take action in the face of a crisis is far more empowering than being so distraught and fearful that the best you can do is scream out for someone else to help. The same is true with your career or in your life. Live your life Powerfully, to live a life YOU love! I continue to ask you this favor, Please post comments on Facebook, share the page with your friends and 'Like' whenever you think I'm onto something in what I wrote. I'd appreciate it. You can also contact me at mary@BestYOUconsulting.com https://www.facebook.com/BestYOUconsulting Thanks! Launch of Special Introductory Offer will be coming soon - Watch for It! 
What I most often hear, "I am so stressed out and never have enough time!"
Are these your complaints too? I'd like to share with you a bit of data, a story and a simple idea for you to consider: We need only listen for a few minutes to find that complaining is an integral part of most people's daily exchanges. According to WebMD, "... we use complaints as icebreakers," says Robin Kowalski, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at Clemson University. "We start a conversation with a negative observation because we know that will get us a bigger response than saying something positive would." That's just one of the ways in which griping comes in handy. According to Kowalski, there are two basic categories of complaints: instrumental and expressive. Instrumental complaints are goal oriented, meaning that we verbalize the problem in hopes of bringing about change. You rant to your partner or spouse about how messy the bedroom is because you're hoping he/she'll clean their stuff up or offer to help clean it up. You tell the hotel manager that the garbage trucks woke you up at 5:00 a.m. because you want a quieter room or a discount for your suffering due to a poor night's sleep. Expressive complaints have a different mission: to let the speaker get something off her/his chest. When you call a friend to wail that all three kids have strep at the same time, you're not looking for medical advice. It's acknowledgment and sympathy you're after. Calling a buddy to moan about how many times the quarterback got sacked or how awful the refs were has little to do with any further action to correct the team. "Even complaining about the driver who cut you off can be healthy, provided you feel better once you get it out," says Kowalski. There can be a real downside: Some people abuse expressive complaining, grumbling incessantly with no real interest in dialogue, problem solving, or human connection. Some people complain All the Time. WHY WE GRIPE SO MUCH Michael Cunningham, Ph.D., a psychologist at the University of Louisville, observes that humans' taste for complaining probably evolved from our ancestors' way of crying out a warning when something threatened the tribe. "We mammals are a squealing species. We talk about things that bother us as a way of getting help or seeking a posse to mount a counterattack," says Cunningham. It's True, we no longer have to rally and buddy up in the face of menacing saber-toothed tigers, but venting our everyday grievances to receptive listeners (a.k.a. expressive complaining) helps us feel validated and supported. Complaining, especially an expressive complaint, does NOT improve our situation. Ideally, we want to turn our complaints into possibilities. My 'lunch complaint' story: A complaint I used to have for years was that my work day was so crazy busy that I barely had time to eat lunch. I often didn't eat lunch, and even when I did eat, at the end of the day if you asked me what I ate I couldn't tell you. Lunch was either non existent or a blur. I was just So Soooo busy. It is so easy to lie to ourselves. Sure I was busy, and yes I did accomplish lots of work related tasks and meetings and projects each and every day. I also spent plenty of time juggling my personal phone every "free second" I had. So, when I didn't eat lunch, I was usually on the phone, texting someone or replying to a text or searching for something on the web. Technology was ruling my life.......and yes, I had to juggle two cell phones plus my computer communication plus an office landline and sometimes an iPad as well. Crazy! Back to my complaint of no lunch or barely enough time for lunch - With quite a bit of argument in my own head and with doubt that I could last a week, I finally chose to turn my complaint into this possibility: For one week, I would use my lunch break and eat lunch everyday, outside of my building and relax. Further, I pledged that my cell phones would be turned to silent and NO USAGE. I generally took a 30 minute lunch when I took lunch, and for at least 20 minutes of the break time, no technology was allowed. The first couple of days I was jittery, felt uncomfortable and didn't know how to be with myself without checking my phone every few seconds. It was a struggle to not use the phone. The first day I was still eating super fast too, and then noticed that I had literally 'wolfed down' my food. I'd eaten my food and still had more than 5 minutes before the 20 minutes were up. Now what? It felt so strange to actually not have to rush, and my natural tendencies of hurried motion and nervousness were so much a part of my 'normal'. At first, I couldn't wait to have the 20 minutes done so I could check and see what I missed on my phones. What was so bazaar.....I realized I didn't miss that much, and nothing that was crucial. By Wednesday, I started feeling less anxious and I started to look around more, relax a bit more and just enjoyed my food and the 'down time'. I had a better grasp of a slower pace of eating, and I started taking the whole 20 minutes. I wasn't in such a hurry to check my texts or emails and even decided to not reply until my full 30 minute break was done. By Friday, I was liking this new way of approaching my day. I chose on Friday to try out a second week with the same possibility. I had to re-learn relaxed eating, and just enjoy 'being in the present' - not pulled by technology or whatever I thought I was missing out on. I felt so much more in control and ready to tackle the afternoon, after taking a 'real break'. This was a game changer for my day It is simple, concrete and doable. This one change will make a big difference in your day. If your complaint is "too busy and no lunch" or "rushed lunch", then 'eat lunch, relax, look around, breathe and enjoy the 'no technology' break. And if you eat with a co-worker, talk about anything other than work - unplug. I'm guessing you will be glad you did. I'd like to ask you a favor, I'm working on a project, and I want to make sure I include what you think and your experiences (anonymously if you prefer). Would you please let me know about your experience with this simple idea or if you have other suggestions, I'd love to hear about them. And please post comments on Facebook, share the page with your friends and 'Like' whenever you think I'm onto something in what I wrote. I'd appreciate it. You can also contact me at mary@BestYOUconsulting.com Thanks! https://www.facebook.com/BestYOUconsulting  I am grateful for you being here, right now, sharing your time with me. Thank You!
I've been noticing lately that in-person listening seems to be a secondary activity, rather than a primary focus. Wherever I go, I observe people passively listening to another person while simultaneously checking their phones. It's not unusual to do other physical activities while listening, like driving or washing dishes or taking a walk and chatting. What's new about this recent observation is that there are multiple conversations and communications going on at the same time. It is more rare, than the norm, that I see a total focus on the people present. Even at restaurants, I've observed two people sitting across from each other and both interacting with their phones. At parties, with a room full of people, at any given time, more people are checking their phones than interacting with others right around them. And at business meetings, it is quite common that the mobile device in someone's lap or the ipad/computer in front of them has more of their attention than the speaker in the room speaking. While some may be taking notes, studies by the McKinsey Global Institute have found that on average, in the workplace, we spend 13 hours a week on email alone - that's the equivalent of 28% of our workweek and that does not include checking social media sites or texting. Why should this concern any of us? The Energy Product Audit found that 69% of workers have difficulty focusing on one thing at a time and are easily distracted during the day. Studies on multi-tasking have proven that productivity increases are directly linked to focus and negatively impacted by juggling many things at once. We might feel like we’re doing more and, in a way, we are but we’re actually getting less done in the process. It has been scientifically demonstrated that the brain cannot effectively or efficiently switch between tasks, so you lose time. It takes four times longer to recognize new things so you’re not saving time; multitasking actually costs time. You also lose time because you often make mistakes. Losing time and making mistakes in the workplace is certainly a concern. Getting back to my earlier observations about our personal interactions, it is interesting to apply the same scientific findings to personal relationships. We make mistakes in what we thought we heard due to our inattention and lack of focus on what is being said. When we do not hear accurately, that often leads to less understanding or even misunderstanding and disagreements in our personal interactions. Our Conscious listening is diminishing according to the research, and some of the effects are present in the escalations of violence currently present in the world. It is Listening that connects us, increases our understanding and yes, better understanding and connections with people results in a more peaceful coexistence for all. Give respect to others and love them and yourself enough to Be Present fully and listen with your full attention. Notice, appreciate, enjoy and savor the sounds of life! I promise to give you my full attention if you Comment below or send me an email or Share on Facebook. If you know someone who may like to sign up for my blog posts, please share this link with them.  I am grateful for you being here, right now, sharing your time with me. Thank You! I wrote and planned another blog that I will share with you next week. With the birth of my grandbaby, I am compelled to write a little about the wonder of life and connections. I share the experience with you from a place of love. Today's technology made possible a connection face to face via mobile devices that would have been unheard of just a short time ago. My daughter and son in law live thousands of miles and an ocean away. Yet I felt as though I was in the recovery room with them and my new grand daughter, just a short time after the birth. And videos were shared on facebook and in texts with friends and family, so they could all feel a part of the big event. So amazing! Many of us bemoan technology and the added issues that have surfaced with its widespread use. My next post is on listening and social interactions, and I note some of those tech scenarios that are less than ideal. Today, right now, I am very thankful that such an important event, that surprised us by being more than a week ahead of schedule, was able to be shared with much geography between us. Firsts are wonderful, and each of my children now have recently had their first child. I cannot wait to hold my new little grand baby and know the love and warmth and purity that will exist in that moment, just as it did only a few months ago when my son and daughter in law's baby was born. My cup is overflowing with happiness and love, and I am so thankful for their good health. Life's adventures await! Please leave a comment or post one on my BestYOU facebook page. I'd love to hear your thoughts! If you know someone who may like to sign up for my blog posts, please share this link with them. |
Categories |
RSS Feed