 If you look closely at the photo, you will notice it is NOT a leaf. Initially, when I arrived in this beautiful island setting, I was jumpy, anxious and startled by each encounter with something unfamiliar.
Being a city girl from Chicago, I was completely unaccustomed to island nature. If you’ve been following along with this blog, you may recall, I have never camped and I've spent little time in tropical climates. A week or so for vacation was my main exposure to island life, and most of my time was spent in air conditioned environments, like cruise ships and resorts. The beginning of this week was very hot and humid, and we joked about our tent fans being broken because they now only blow hot air. Sleeping has been especially difficult, with the sticky weather. On the plus side, I managed to have ocean time on Monday and Tuesday:) The ocean felt amazing and refreshed my body and spirit. I love spending even 1/2 an hour in the ocean. It’s really revitalizing! Mid week, I began working with a professional photographer from Montreal, here to take photos for our marketing needs. I really had fun assisting Carl, and I learned about lighting and using a large round reflector to direct sunlight. I held the reflector, fixed hair, reviewed photos, wiped sand off of the yoga models feet, adjusted clothing and helped to get smiles and keep models at ease. None of the ‘models’ are professionals. All are Sivananda yogis. We got some really great photos and had fun! We were on the beach Wednesday from 4-8pm, with a half hour break for dinner and the following day’s shoot began at 5:45 - 8am and then reconvened at 4-8pm. I note the times because we spent a fair amount of time outdoors in the intense heat, and I was feeling the exhaustion that accompanies heat. This story isn’t about sunburn, as I put on plenty of lotion to protect my skin:) Thursday night, having slept only intermittently for a few nights in a row, and having been in the heat for the photo shoots, I prayed for rain to cool things down some. I’m not a rain fan, but I knew that after other rains here, the air was lighter and a little cooler. I guess I prayed too hard or too many of us prayed, because we had a huge storm on Thursday night, with bolts of lightening, thunder and sheets of rain. Lying in bed that night, I thought for sure I’d sleep well, as I was so worn out. And I did sleep pretty soundly until about 2am when a really loud clap of thunder woke me. It sounded super close to my tent and upon waking I could hear the rain pouring all around me. I rolled over and tried to bury my head in my pillow and fall back asleep. After maybe five minutes of trying to fall back asleep and listening to the rush of water coming from the sky, all I could think about was going to the bathroom. I really tried to block it out. I said ‘Om’ a number of times, which usually calms me, and I tried concentrating on my breathing. Nothing worked, the urge was increasing by the second, until I could not ignore it any longer. Getting out of bed and unzipping my tent, the force and magnitude of rain became even more obvious, and I could see streaks of lightning flashing in the sky. I had my umbrella ready and put on my soaked black and white flip flops sitting on the wooden stoop right outside my tent. As I put on the flip flops, my legs became rain soaked in seconds. I knew there was no way I wanted to walk the distance to the bathroom. (about 1/2 city block away) I’d either be completely drenched or possibly hit by lightning - I realize now that was a foolish thought, but at 2am, it’s tough to think clearly. I couldn’t just go back inside, as the urge was imminent. I hesitated momentarily and decided. Hiking up my pink nightgown, with my plaid umbrella opened above me, I opted to straddle the boards on the stoop, squat and relieve myself in the dirt outside my tent - Something this city girl has little experience doing. I actually laughed a little as I did it. It was enormously funny to me:) At least I knew that the urine would be washed away with the deluge of rain that continued throughout the night. By the next morning the rain cleared and the air was noticeably cooler. Before we began our next photo session, I shared the story with Carl, and we both laughed out loud. I still am laughing as I write about this. I chose to share this story as it is another interesting milestone of change for me. A month or two ago, I would have been mortified and upset by this and would definitely not have shared the story with all of you. If I shared it with close family members, I would have been very embarrassed and sheepish about it. Today I am laughing about it, and I can see the immense humor in the scene. I call that progress for a Pitta dominant, perfectionist, who closely guarded my image in the public:) KP Khalsa has prescribed new herbs and supplements this week. I will share the list of what I am now taking when I write next week. Please continue to follow me on this journey of ‘What is Possible?’ Sending you Love from the Bahamas, If you haven't signed up for the blog post updates, please do. I also welcome you to leave a comment below or post one on my BestYOU facebook page. Sharing your thoughts is a gift to all of us! If you know someone who may like to sign up for my blog posts, please share this link with them. Thanks!
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I had a fun trip home last weekend. My grand baby, Vivian, had a wonderful 1st birthday party that we all enjoyed!
It was an interesting experience to reconnect with my life away from the Bahamas. I noticed and felt very grateful for the many luxuries that I usually take for granted at home. I also noticed that in general I had more patience at the airport, in traffic, as a passenger and while driving with others in the car who vocalize and give ‘back seat driving’ directives:) I have definitely turned my usual high speed self down a notch. It was an interesting observation to see so many others’ faces reflecting fluster, stress and even anger, especially at the airport. The respite at home felt good to me, and I loved my Vivi time, holding her and watching her have so much fun at her party. It was so great to see family and friends at the party. My return after two days had me seated to a nice gentleman on the flight, who recently retired from the military. He was taking his whole family to the Bahamas for some bonding and fun. The chat made the flight go by very quickly, and it set the stage for the whole week. June 21st was declared by the U.N. as International Day of Yoga, and we are celebrating the occasion with a special event here that I helped organize. 75-100 people will be coming to the island for yoga class, a talk about Yoga and a Healthy Lifestyle, a brief tour and history of the Ashram and then a luncheon. Countries worldwide are celebrating yoga on June 21st. It has been fun to be a part of the organization and preparations here for the event. We have partnered with the High Commission of India, Kingston, Jamaica, the Indian community in Nassau and the State Bank of India, Nassau to host the day. Simultaneously, there is a big yoga festival on Nassau for the weekend, and one of our senior staff is a presenter. It has mostly been fun to coordinate, and I’ve received good cooperation from so many here. Karma yogis (volunteers basically), like me, will be greeting the local guests, providing boat trips back and forth to the island, hanging banners, shooting video and photographs, setting up the yoga platforms, prepping, cooking the food and cleaning up, providing children’s activities and children’s yoga, giving talks, running the sound system, teaching yoga and assisting with adjustments in the class, emceeing the event, and the list goes on and on of tasks needing to be done. Just as the conversation on the airplane quickened the flight time for me, so has the good cooperation I have received made this week fly by. I’ve been to yoga every day, and I’ve been better about taking ‘nature call’ breaks. No beach time this week, but next week I plan to focus on getting in the ocean! If you are new to the updates and wonder about a typical day in here on Paradise Island for me, click on the link. Next week, I will give some updates on my herbs, teas and supplements prescribed by KP Khalsa. Until then - Sending you Love from the Bahamas, If you haven't signed up for the blog post updates, please do. I also welcome you to leave a comment below or post one on my BestYOU facebook page. Sharing your thoughts is a gift to all of us! If you know someone who may like to sign up for my blog posts, please share this link with them. Thanks!  It’s been noticeably hotter and more humid. If I were on vacation booked in an air conditioned Sivananda Ashram Yoga Retreat room or beach villa, and hanging out in the beautiful, refreshing ocean, the weather would be wonderful. Sleeping in a fan cooled tent hut, even a nice one as the one pictured here, and spending most of my day doing karma yoga, sometimes working in A/C and often not, the humidity and heat have had a draining energy impact. I realize that heat and humidity is common for those of you who live and work in tropical climates. For me, the experience is new, and the adjustment will take time. I continue my battle with bug bites - no idea why they like me so much. I’ve ordered a new non Deet spray that I’m hoping will keep them away. I’ve also started using a wrist band with a buzzing frequency bugs supposedly do not like, that a friend from France, who left the ashram this week gave to me. Even with the heat, humidity and itching of bug bites, this week I’ve noticed the days passing quickly. The more I become immersed in the work here, the more I realize how natural and habitual ‘flow’ is for me. My definition of ‘flow’ is being so engrossed in what I’m doing, that I am completely unaware of time, place or anything other than the task at hand. Flow can be a very productive and positive state. Creative flow for me is often boundless, quite energizing and joyful. Getting into creative flow when I write is wonderful. A few times I’ve done a yoga practice in a state of flow, and it can also be very energizing. Flow can also have a downside when taken to extreme. Twice this week, I’ve been so ‘in the flow’ of work that I’ve ignored my body urges and not even taken the time for a bathroom break. While some people may have great capacity for holding bodily fluids, I really do not. I can will myself into going against my body urges up to a point. On one occasion, 6 hours had passed, and I suddenly realized the time when the urgency of ‘nature’s call’ insisted on my paying attention. The few minutes of very uncomfortable, near-run to the bathroom put me in a very anxious and stressed state. I barely made it without wetting my pants. At my stage of life, you’d think I would know better:) I also paid little attention to drinking water or stretching my body, taking no breaks to do either. I know better, but somehow got pulled into past behaviors. If it happened just once, it wouldn’t mean much, but I found myself in the same situation later in the week. I wasn’t in the flow the entire time, but I had been working steadily and at some point drifted into the ‘flow state’, losing consciousness of all but my tasks. Neither my supervisor, nor the ashram culture pushed me to these ‘flow states’. I was fully responsible for my actions. I pushed myself into complete focus as a means of leaving projects I am working on in good order. On Friday, I left the Sivananda Yoga Retreat for a couple days to celebrate my grand baby, Vivian’s first birthday in Chicago. Experiencing this week’s extreme focus brought to the forefront of my thoughts, my prior ‘workaholic nature’. You might have noticed my stating that I “pushed” myself into the complete focus. I insisted on meeting certain expectations for myself, and in the process forgot about healthy, loving care of myself. I also experienced some frustration when others were not meeting my expectations. Imbalance in my Pitta dominant constitution brings out reactionary feelings of annoyance with others and myself. These self imposed frustrations were amplified throughout my life in the workplace. Many of us have grown up thinking that to be a good employee, we had to push ourselves to extremes in the name of having a strong work ethic. I now realize extremes are unhealthy, especially for any sustained period of time. My all too familiar past was reminding me that I have quite a distance to go on this journey. Some of what I hope to learn and practice while I am here is the balance of positive creative flow, without the force and extremes I so readily fall into. As my yoga teacher, Paul, at Tejas Yoga said to us over and over, ‘Effort with Ease’. I daily repeat this phrase when I do my yoga poses, reminding myself not to overexert and to not let my ego get carried away. I know I still need lots of practice in this area, and I am so grateful to be in such a supportive environment for self awareness and healing. I believe that as KP Khalsa’s prescriptive herbs and supplements continue to heal my physical body, emotional and mental healing will also take place. Sending you love from the Bahamas. If you haven't signed up for the blog post updates, please do. I also welcome you to leave a comment below or post one on my BestYOU facebook page. Sharing your thoughts is a gift to all of us! If you know someone who may like to sign up for my blog posts, please share this link with them. Thanks!  It’s interesting to think about what really impacts us and influences how we show up in the world! There was a week long celebration at the Ashram for the 60th birthday of the Spiritual Leader/Ashram Director. June 1st and June 6th were also my daughter in law’s and son in law’s birthdays - A week of birthday celebrations! Special presenters, musicians, world renown chanters have gathered here from around the world to celebrate. It has been a busy and interesting week with the Ashram, all abuzz with extra activities, lots of preparations and celebrations daily. Much of it was great fun! When I thought about writing this week’s blog, it was a struggle initially to start writing. Partly because I am really tired and feel depleted today. I didn’t sleep well last night, and besides the rainy weather, my spirits are dampened. One of the very senior, wise and funny Swamis that is here from Minnesota for the birthday celebration, spoke about ‘Finding Ourselves’. He told his own story about losing his head and being lost. I do not feel lost in any way, but I’m definitely finding out new things about myself on this journey. The Swami had a simple message, ‘you are right here, right now, in each and every moment’ . The message was impactful to me, as it unveils all of us, not just our preconceived image of ourselves. Though I felt tired, depleted and out of sorts, at the morning staff meeting, I still volunteered to be an extra server at dinner and volunteered to help with decorations for the big ceremony tomorrow and planned to volunteer to help in the kitchen too, besides my other karma yoga work. So much help is needed for 200+ people celebrating in Feast Fashion. And my image of myself is hard working, tireless, positive and helpful. After sending another person on my team a ‘no I cannot do any more’ email after the staff meeting in the morning, I felt awful. I was recognizing ‘enough is enough’, but was unhappy in saying ‘no’ to helping another person asking for help. Luckily, I have an amazing supervisor that knows when I need to be pushed a bit to step back and recharge. She encouraged me to take some time to regroup, and after Face Timing with my family, writing two cards that I’ve wanted to write, preparing and drinking the prescriptive tea that I am supposed to daily drink, changing my sheets and writing an explanation about why I didn’t finish my spiritual diary this week, I finally started to gain a bit of strength. In just a couple hours time, and after taking care of myself a bit, I felt a little better. What is interesting to note is my refusal to give myself permission. Earlier, I was encouraged by another friend and karma yogi to rest and take some time for myself today to recharge. I did not listen to the advice, thinking that I could persist and somehow keep going, even in my depleted state. My image of self and the reality of self are not always in sync. I forget to look “right here and right now” at me. This afternoon, I have had time to think more about how I could be depleted in this beautiful and amazing place. Was it really the rain that was getting to me? The insect bites? Was it the disrupted sleep? None of those are actually new, and I’ve been happy and high energy most days I’ve been here. So, I wondered what was different? What I’ve just realized as I write this is that the week has also had some emotional drains for me that were adding up in the background of my thoughts.
When you brush your teeth next to someone, meditate and chant side by side and eat your meals together as we do here, bonding with people occurs strongly and quickly. ‘Finding Myself’ means acknowledging all the states of me, not just the happy and positive ones I prefer. It also means accepting me as I am and giving myself permission to take the advice that I give to others. Love yourself and fill up your spirit in order to give to others. A depleted self has little capacity to give. Sending you love from the Bahamas. If you haven't signed up for the blog post updates, please do. I also welcome you to leave a comment below or post one on my BestYOU facebook page. Sharing your thoughts is a gift to all of us! If you know someone who may like to sign up for my blog posts, please share this link with them. Thanks!  I’ve been thinking a lot about the set of circumstances that brought me down this path of living a year of Ayurvedic-Yogic lifestyle in an Ashram. I’ve mentioned in prior blogs that I felt compelled in a very strong way to propose to KP Khalsa, my Ayurvedic medical guide, this year of living as a guinea pig, documenting the experience and writing about it. I felt and still do feel strongly that this lifestyle will have many health benefits and bring me into better balance. A common saying in the West, ‘living a straight and narrow path’, usually describes a righteous, efficient and good path. Personally, I’ve found adhering to a narrow and straight path, while achievable, feels limiting. Throughout my life, I’ve wanted to explore the outer edges and beyond. I used to think of this deviation from the straight and narrow as being my ‘wild side’. I now wonder about that. My actions throughout much of my life would put me in the non - risk taker category. This doesn’t mean I didn’t take on challenges and shoot for difficult goals. I did, and I succeeded most of the time, with lots of lessons learned along the way. I developed an understanding of calculated risk, and that became my guide post. I did my share of ‘wild side’ behavior and have done some things I’m not proud of, and that were not my ‘best self’ by a long shot. Yet, inside me there has been an ever present curiosity about what I don’t know or haven’t experienced. A strong curiosity coupled with a perfectionist personality and cautious nature created ever present feelings of fear. Not that I recognized or thought about any of this much, but fear was there nonetheless. I’ve also been very lucky numerous times, with divine intervention watching over and protecting me somehow. Why I bring all this up is to attempt to explain that the biggest change from living an Ayurvedic-Yogic lifestyle that I have seen in me over the past one month has been a spiritual one. My disenchantment over the years with organized religion relegated any spiritual practice to a low level of priority for me. I grew up Catholic, and the past 15 years, I’ve attended mass on holidays and for special occasions. Further, our society’s shunning of public spiritual practices and lumping spiritual practitioners into the categories of extremists, bible thumpers or radicals solidified my own separation from such groups and people. I’m about as mainstream America as can be, and being considered an extremist or religious zealot was very unappealing to me. So, how is it that I’ve come to this place where I now pray to God in song-like chants throughout the day? I find myself unconsciously chanting and pass others softly chanting as we walk to and fro around the Ashram. It is as commonplace and natural as singing any catchy tune that has captured our attention. Six months ago, this would have been inconceivable to me. I could not have pictured myself participating, let alone enjoying immensely this raised consciousness of God. I have always believed in God, but my quiet inner devotions were not evident. And I’ve always had so many questions that I now realize concerned man organized religion rather than my belief in God. Yoga is not a religion and yogis respect all religions and all names and incarnations of God. Yoga is not a straight and narrow path. It is a philosophy and way of life that respects and values discipline, but the path is an expansive way of thinking, not a narrow and closed path. Unity in Diversity is one of the guiding principles. In this Ashram, God's presence is noticeable in everything. Whether it is the beauty and care given to the environment, the gentleness of the spiritual and yoga leaders here, the sounds of the ocean or the cooking of meals in an Ayurvedic kitchen with a special chant dedicated to the food - there is a spiritual energy here unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. There are plenty of challenges for me here, and I am not minimizing those. I continue to face the challenges of this lifestyle transition daily. I don't pretend to know and understand the philosophies and teachings of Yoga and Ayurveda fully, but little by little I am learning. I continue to be fascinated by what I am learning and excited about this adventure. What is so unique is the blanket of support that is felt. Love and spirituality are somehow intertwined in such a way that welcomes everyone and encourages expansive paths of learning about ourselves. It is a place that radiates love and beauty and peacefulness. What will be fascinating to see is how that translates, for my main question on the this journey, ‘What is Possible?’. I am grateful to my guide, the highly esteemed KP Khalsa, and I continue to daily take herbs from the high quality, best organic provider of herbs in the U.S., Banyan Botanicals. And last, but certainly not least, I am grateful to be immersed in the beautiful and spiritually rich Ayurvedic life that is lived at the Sivananda Yoga Retreat and Ashram in the Bahamas. If you haven't signed up for the blog post updates, please do. I also welcome you to leave a comment below or post one on my BestYOU facebook page. Sharing your thoughts is a gift to all of us! If you know someone who may like to sign up for my blog posts, please share this link with them. Thanks! Sending you Love from the Bahamas |
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